tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3965443.post-33746214451380316012007-08-29T15:47:00.001-04:002007-08-29T15:47:58.414-04:00<strong>Republicans Come out of the Closet</strong><br /><br />Washington - In the wake of the Senator Larry Craig sex scandal, the Republican party announced today that it was in fact full of closeted gays. Hoping to avoid any future scandals by coming clean now, Republican spokesperson Dee Niall stated, "Yes, we're pretty much all gay here, can we just move on?" <br /><br /> Mr. Niall elaborated further, "Wasn't it obvious when we kept talking about people 'choosing' to be gay? No one thinks like that unless they've thought about 'choosing' it themselves. Especially in the crowds we run in, where there's a lot of penalties for coming out." <br /><br /> Republican pundit Selv Loathynge elaborated, "We had to be anti-gay to get votes and money, but didn't you notice it was always about sex? Who thinks about gay sex all the time? Us gays, that's who. When we kept warning of the 'temptations of the gay lifestyle' we knew what we were talking about. No real heterosexual could ever be 'tempted' by gay sex." <br /><br /> Senator Craig himself refused to apologize for his anti-gay marriage stance, "We honestly thought it was the right thing to do. So many of us have had succesful loveless sham marriages for years so we thought all gays should experience them. It worked for me, Ted Haggard and the rest of us and will in the future. My wife supports this lie and so do I." <br /><br />The Republican party also vowed to continue it's position against gays in the military. Stated Mr. Niall, "Why should the best of us die in this war? We'll keep the gays and the sons of the wealthy and powerful safe here at home." <br /><br />Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com) <br />Copyright 2007 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.gefiltehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03181359347156344502noreply@blogger.com