Gay Marriage Makes All Others Invalid

California - Just as conservative commentators predicted, a federal judge's ruling in favor of same sex marriage has made all heterosexual marriages invalid and meaningless. From now on no one will bother to get married and all those who are already married find their unions completely worthless. Wedding reservations around the country were cancelled, causing a horrible recession. Children from loving homes now found themselves on the street and no new pregnancies were reported.

Pat Robertson was one of the first to comment, "I told you this would happen. Marriage is based on the bible, which is quite clear: marriage is between one man and one woman, or one man and a woman and her sister, or one man and a bunch of women, or one man and the woman he raped, unless he pays her some money. We need to follow the exact wording of the bible in all things. That's why I never eat pork or seafood, wear clothes with two different fibers or plant more than one crop in my garden. Only if we do all these things can we have a good Christian society, just like the bible says, in the plain English with which it was written."

Conservative moral leader Newt Gingrich chimed in, "If gays can marry then all three of my marriages lose their unbreakable, holy, God given meaning. For what is marriage if not a big *&##$ you to gays? What other purpose does it serve?"

In Las Vegas, Elmer Fudwinkle, an Elvis impersonating dwarf who runs a drive-thru wedding chapel commented, "This is the end of my business. There is no longer any meaning to marriage if two committed interior decorators in San Diego can pledge their loyalty for life. This is truly destroying the sanctity of marriage. I hate to see such an august traditional institution degraded like this."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
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