A Song for Alberto Gonzales

In honor of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who will hopefully soon be resigning in order to "pursue other projects" or "spend time with his family."
Alberto
(To the tune of 'Fernando' by ABBA)

Can you hear the drums Alberto?
Such a shame to you have to tell a bold faced lie like this
Will you testify Alberto?
You were lying to yourself and softly hoping you'd go far
I could see the scandal come
Yet deep inside your walls you were a shining star

There is justice now Alberto
Every hour brings you closer to accountability
Are you now afraid Alberto?
You were young and arrogant and yes you were prepared to lie
And I'm not ashamed to say
The sound of people being tortured made me cry

There was something in the way you lied
It wasn't right, Alberto
There was something you forgot you see
Legality, Alberto
Though you never thought that you could lose
There's no regret
If you had to do the same again
You would, my friend, Alberto

Now you'll go away Alberto
And for many years you'll write a book and cross this land
Can you hear the drums Alberto?
Do you still recall the fateful night your job turned partisan?
I can see it in your eyes
How proud you were to sit at George Bush's right hand

There was something in the way you lied
It wasn't right, Alberto
There was something you forgot you see
Legality, Alberto
Though you never thought that you could lose
There's no regret
If you had to do the same again
You would, my friend, Alberto

There was something in the way you lied
It wasn't right, Alberto
There was something you forgot you see
Legality, Alberto
Though you never thought that you could lose
There's no regret
If you had to do the same again
You would, my friend, Alberto
Yes, if you had to do the same again
You would my friend, Alberto

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2007 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

Bush's Secret Plan for Victory

At times it may seem like the Bush administration doesn't know what their doing in Iraq, but this is actually untrue. Recent documents leaked from the pentagon detail a comprehensive, step-by-step plan for a guaranteed victory. The following excerpt is from a top secret memo on the future as the Bush administration sees their strategy played out.
Step 1: More troop will be sent to Iraq. As most of the casualties are caused by roadside bombs, every time an American is killed or wounded it costs the enemy at least on roadside bomb. Thus as more troops are killed and maimed, the cost to the enemy continues to grow, eventually being unsustainable.

Step 2: All forces opposing the US will eventually give up, unable to cope with the high cost of placing bombs. They will all surrender and do whatever the Bush administration wants. Sunni and Shiite will embrace and Iraq will be a happy wonderland for ever after, while still being profitable for Western oil companies.

Step 3: Iran and Syria will be so overawed by the American victory that they will become democracies and do whatever the Bush administration wants. Iran will completely dismantle its nuclear weapons program.

Step 4: All terrorists the world over will realize that America is so great and the cost of bombs so high that they will give up jihad forever and learn to love America.

Step 5: China and North Korea will be so frightened at the resolve of America to lose soldiers lives to roadside bombs that they will also give up their nuclear weapons programs and become democracies. China will also forgive all the US debt it holds.

Step 6: When the moment is right, Santa Claus will swoop down from the North Pole and distribute consumer goods to all the children in the Middle East, who will convert to Christianity. In a well-planned pincer movement, the Easter Bunny will Island hop from Indonesia, spreading candy and brightly colored eggs, also causing everyone to convert to Christianity. When the two meet up in Pakistan, Bin Laden will surrender, become an evangelical Christian, watch nothing but FAUX News, accept George Bush as his personal savoir, bow to Crawford five times a day, vote Republican and drive a large SUV. From then on the world will be one happy place.

All this is carefully thought out, but can only happen if more troops are sent to die and be maimed in Iraq. So please, support your pResident, never criticize him and for G-d's sake believe everything you see on FAUX News.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2007 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

Because Ann Coulter is in the news again

I can't help reposting this every time Ann makes the news.
Why...
because I can.

Strap-on Veterans for Truth