Mystery Illness Strikes Republicans

Atlanta - The Centers for Disease control announced today that they have isolated the mysterious illness affecting the nation's Republicans. Doctors at the CDC have termed the illness Incremental Devastating Increase Of Truth Syndrome (IDIOTS). Apparently the illness involves a shattering of the worldview of an individual Republican when exposed to small amounts of reality.

Dr. Smakke A. Fule of the CDC explained the symptoms, "What happens is those suffering from IDIOTS have mental immune systems that have kept them safe from reality for some time. At a certain point the pressure of the real world can intrude, causing a complete breakdown. It's hard to know what to do with IDIOTS, IDIOTS are common among Republicans, and there is currently no miracle cure for IDIOTS. The only treatment for IDIOTS is to smack them clear in the face with full blown reality.

Dr. Fule then provided some anonymous testimony of IDIOTS sufferers:

"For 3 1/2 years I believed things were going fine in Iraq, we were making progress and headed towards victory. Then I had to believe all the killing wasn't a civil war. Not only was that too much for anyone with a brain to believe, but I wondered why there was all this killing after 3 1/2 years of constant progress."

"I believed there were WMD's, but there weren't. I believed Saddam was responsible for 9-11 and working with Al-Qaeda, but he wasn't. I believed most of the insurgents were Al-Qaeda, but 95% of them were Iraqis. I believed most Iraqis wanted us there, but they don't. It just got too hard."

"I believed Bush was wise and competent. I believed he knew what he was doing. Then Katrina happened, and it got a little harder. That's when it started."

"I believed there was no such thing as global warming. Michael Crichton told me so. And if a novelist says something, it must be true."

Not all Republicans are vulnerable to IDIOTS. In fact, only the most intelligent seem to suffer from this syndromee. Many are immune. At least 30% of the country is believed to be fully immune to this syndrome at any given time.

White House Spokesman Orr Wellian responded to reports of the syndrome today, "There is no problem, things are going fine. If anyone does feel symptoms of this disease, we recommend an immediate infusion of FAUX News, which is very effective at dealing with this syndrome." When asked if the White House was threatened with the syndrome Mr. Wellian responded, "Don't worry, this White House is protected by a 100% effective reality-proof bubble at all times. We've never been in any danger here."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
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