Bush Attacks Hypocrisy

Pusan, South Korea - Delivering his toughest attack on his critics to date, pResident Bush accused Democrats of hypocrisy. Bush called Democrats, "Really big hypocrites for claiming prewar intelligence was fixed, when they themselves believed everything we told them. Now they claim they were lied to, but many voted for war based on the very intelligence estimates we put together. To claim this is our fault for lying rather than theirs for being so gullible is just hypocritical. They want to rewrite history to make it look like they believed everything we told them about Saddam Hussein, like having WMD's or being linked to Al -Qaeda. These things are now proven falsehoods. But they believed every word we told them, what hypocrites. The intelligence we used to justify war is the same intelligence Clinton used to not justify invading Iraq, so it's really that hypocrite Clinton's fault. I hate hypocrisy more than anything. By the way, we don't torture, so be sure to write your senator and remind them not to outlaw torture, it's really important."

Vice President Doant Blemey also attacked Democrats, which was quite a surprise to everyone. Said Mr. Blemey, "This hypocrisy is unbelievable. That's the real problem with this war, the hypocrisy of Democratic politicians. Not the endless deaths and quagmire. Democrats who were suckered in by our plan shouldn't complain now, that's just irresponsible. Our troops are the ones who really suffer from Democrats pointing out the war started based on a lie. Already 2,000 troops have been killed by Democratic hypocrisy, or roadside bombs, I'm not really sure any more. If Democrats believed what we told them in 2002, they can't come back now and say we were wrong, that's just hypocrisy. I really, really hate hypocrisy."

P.S. The following is an actual quote from Dick Cheney printed in the New York Times on April 13, 1991:

"If you're going to go in and try to topple Saddam Hussein, you have to go to Baghdad. Once you've got Baghdad, it's not clear what you do with it. It's not clear what kind of government you would put in place of the one that's currently there now. Is it going to be a Shia regime, a Sunni regime or a Kurdish regime? Or one that tilts toward the Baathists, or one that tilts toward the Islamic fundamentalists? How much credibility is that government going to have if it's set up by the United States military when it's there? How long does the United States military have to stay to protect the people that sign on for that government, and what happens to it once we leave?

Now you can say, well, you should have gone to Baghdad and gotten Saddam. I don't think so. I think if we had done that we would have been bogged down there for a very long period of time with the real possibility we might not have succeeded."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
Copyright 2005 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.