FAUX NEWS REPORT -1789

Versailles - The vacation of the King continued to be interrupted by protests outside the Royal Palace. Madame Cindee L'Sheehan, who's son died from abject poverty she blames on the royal administration, led a group of peasants in prayer just a mile from the Royal Retreat.

Madame L'Sheehan has been camped out here for a week demanding to meet with the King and have him explain why her son had to die. Said Madame L'Sheehan "Was it for luxuries enjoyed by the wealthy? Did 'big spices' or 'big silk' cause my son's death? Was it the personal vendetta of the King, using our nation's wealth for war against England and for conquests overseas? I just want to hear it from him."

The Royal Palace had little to say about the protest. Royal spokesman Cotte M'ystellin merely made a brief comment, "The actions of this government do not cause peasant deaths. It is the Woeful Massive Pestilence which causes it. These WMP's are real, despite what you may have heard. To criticize the King only emboldens our enemies in a time of great national peril. Shame this peasant woman is both treasonous and a stain upon the honor of her son, who died loving his king."

The King himself was seen riding around the royal gardens in his best carriage. When asked about the protest he said, "I have to go on with my life. I feel for her grief, this dirty peasant woman, but I can't back down in the face of foreign threats and peasant uprisings. We must stand firm, tall, erect and strong. We must not go limp in the face of danger, we must not be soft. I feel for my people, but listening to anyone who disagrees with me is not the job of a king. If I were the president of some democratic republic and over half the populace disagreed with me, then I would, but such a situation would be ridiculous."

In other news, the queen has reportedly offered to defuse the situation through the timely delivery of some delicious pastries. The whole situation is expected to end soon.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
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