FAUX News Internal Memos
 
The documentary "Outfoxed" has released a set of memos by FOX Chief John Moody telling his staff what spin to put on stories.  More memos were found recently by the Hoolinet.  Here are some examples:

"...Therefore in the future all reporters will work on news stories in groups of three: one to read the information, a second to write down commentary, and a third to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals."

"When reporting how dangerous the world is and making sure everyone is scared half to death that a terrorist is around every corner, reporters must remember to keep a straight face when saying, 'pResident Bush has made America safer'."

"Drop all references to Cheney swearing on the senate floor.  Instead be outraged at Teresa Heinz Kerry's use of 'shove it.'  Could we get Bill to do a story on how shocked he is at the decline of civility in America?  btw, Heinz Ketchup is red, communists are red, anyone got a story there, just a thought."

"How bout a historical piece exposing the withdrawal of swift boats from naval service because of fraternization with the enemy? Any story that mentions the purple heart in any way should be accompanied by a sneer about 'that little trinket'.  Maybe we could look into building up the threat of Vietcong Suicide bombers flying in from Mexico?"

"Kobe's innocent, his accuser is a whore and out for money, the prosecutor is out of control.  But we must be 'fair and balanced;)' how about four panelists who think she's in it for money, and one on the other side who thinks she's a dirty slut? The moderator could calmly suggest that it's just an example of activist prosecutors out of control.  Make it a good shouting argument, that should keep the damn liberals off our back."

"Abortion clinics will now be called 'death camps' abortion activits will be called 'angels of death'.  Eric Rudolph will be called 'the angel of mercy'. Roe v. Wade will now be called 'that Nazi Law', but don't make any derogatory references to the Fuhrer, no point in alienating some of our audience."

"The New York Times is in New York, 9-11 happened in New York, do I have to draw you people a picture?"

"Could we imply the intifadeh is G-d's punishment for Israel's murder of our lord without weakening our 100% commitment to Israel right or wrong?"

"I had a layover in Singapore last week and those dirty japs confiscated my chewing gum.  How about using the phrases 'weapons of mass destruction' 'terrorists' 'links to Al Qaeda' and '9-11' in any stories mentioning Singapore for awhile.  Don't make any outright claims, but just keep saying it over and over and we'll see what happens to those little hindoos or whatever they are."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet.
Copyright 2004 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.