Mel Gibson Blames Jesus for Crucifixion

Hollywood - In a stunning announcement today, Mel Gibson has decided to release a new version of his film "The Passion of the Christ" which puts the blame squarely on one person, namely Jesus himself. Mr. Gibson explained, "I've actually been reading alot of G-d's Bible since the unwarranted controversy surrounding my lovely film. It turns out our Lord may have actually been a J-O-O himself, oi weh! This is was at first hard for me to fathom, as my film originally blamed the Jews for killing our Lord. If Jesus was a Jew, then he must share the blame along with all Jews for all time. Thus he's a suicide and a deicide, and a schmutzig Red Sea pedestrian. It can be damn hard to reconcile anti-semitism with logic, but I'm sure going to give it a try. Not that I'm anti-semitic, that's just what all those dirty, evil Jews say, every last one of them. G-d help us all."

In response, Mr. Gibson has reportedly quit being a Christian, stating, "No way I'm worshipping some gefilte eating schmendrick with a circumcision and a Yarmulke. I now embrace the one true prophet and you can call me Malik Ghib-Sahn." In the future Mr. Gibson plans to make a movie depicting 9-11 as a Jewish plot orchestrated by a secret Cabal consisting of Ariel Sharon, Woody Allen, Rob Reiner and Rod Carew. He also is apparently working on a remake of "Schindler's List" in which no one is killed because the Germans are such nice people.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet.
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