Bush Uses Bodies of 9-11 Victims in Ads

Washington - pResident Bush's campaign attracted controversy this week by exhuming the bodies of victims of the World Trade Center attacks for a new series of ads. The ads feature a triumphant George Bush standing atop a pile of victim's bodies and a voiceover stating, "Only by keeping George Bush in office can you prevent this from happening again. If Bush loses, bin Laden wins." The ads have come under fire from families of the victims. Many complain that it is disrespectful for the pResident to use the bodies for political gain.

Bush campaign person Innah Proepreeit defended the ads, "We have a right to dig up those bodies whenever we need them, 9-11 belongs to George Bush and is now a wholly owned subsidiary of Halliburton, just like Iraq. Only by keeping George Bush in office can you prevent horrible tragedies like this one that happened while he was in office. Do you want some politically experienced war hero like John Kerry coming in with a fresh approach? No, never change horsemen mid-apocalypse."

Whitewash spokesman Cott Mistellin further explained the pResident's campaign, "We would never use those bodies for political gain. We just need to show them off to make a political point, over and over and over. That's all. We'll have no choice but to wheel those bodies out again when the convention comes, coincidentally in New York in September. Gosh, it's a small world, isn't it?"

In other news, white house leaks report the pResident has taken to having bodies of victims carted around with him in order to win arguments over when meetings are scheduled, what to serve for dinner, and whether Laura really does have a headache.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
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