Bush Adminisration Defends Iraq Policy (again)

Washington - The Bush Administration offered yet another justification for its Iraq policy today. White House spokesman Cott Mistellin spoke to reporters, "OK, none of you buy the weapons of mass destruction one anymore, or the one that Saddam was a threat to the US, and even the pResident has now admitted that Saddam had nothing to do with 9-11, although we're still gonna keep implying it since you suckers still fall for it. And even freeze dried ameobas don't really believe this administration wanted to invade and occupy another country just because its leader was a ruthless dictator. No, I'm not here to prop up old tales that don't meet the liberal media's crazy definition of 'truth'."

Pausing to contain a chuckle, Mr. Mistellin went on, "Today we can unveil the real, clear truth about why we invaded Iraq, and why we must stay no matter how many casualties we take. We invaded Iraq to protect the troops we sent to Iraq. I can't be any more clear, we're there because we sent troops there. If you disagree with that logic you don't support our troops. This administration had a brilliant plan earlier this year to protect the troops we were going to send to Iraq, namely sending them to Iraq. If that isn't justification for war, I don't know what is."

National Security Advisor Cotmeelyin Twyce added, "This is not a quagmire, it's just one of those things where you get stuck and keep getting more stuck as you struggle to get out. If we left now how would we protect our troops over there since they wouldn't be there? And don't criticize our policy. Free debate is un-American and besides, can anyone imagine a world where things are better than the one we made? The only way to win is to stay, not argue over why they're there or try to leave, troops can't be protected from danger they're not in. I don't think this point can be made any more clear."

pResident Bush also chimed in on the stifling of debate, "This is a democracy, I respect all opinions except those that are different from mine, criticism of the pResident is unamerican. If you don't want our troops killed you know we have to keep them where there's danger, otherwise they wouldn't be in danger at all. It's not about 9-11, it's just about 9-11, I can't believe you people have forgot about 9-11. We can't just cut and run like this was the Air National Guard, our soldiers have to stay in the danger I put them in. It's the only way to protect them from the danger I put them in. This couldn't be more clear or justified."

In an unrelated story, 6,000 sailors from the Aircraft Carrier Abraham Lincoln were court-martialed and detained in Guantanamo Bay today for forcibly putting up the "Mission Accomplished" banner the White House provided for them. In addition several officers are charged with kidnapping the pResident, putting him in a flight suit and flying him out to the carrier, conveniently turned out to sea, and making him appear before reporters claiming the mission in Iraq was a success. Said a White House spokesperson, "This administration promised to bring honor and integrity to the White House, so we're just making sure the blame goes where it should. How could the blame not go to the right place if we didn't place any blame?"

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
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