The Return of Scopes?

Saw in the news that a Texas Tech student who believes evolution is a lie and
the earth is 6,000 years old is suing his Biology(!) professor who won't give
him a recommendation. I don't even know where to begin with that. But
here's a start anyway. Why...
...because I can.

Dark Ages Back
(To the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back")

Don't bother Christian Right
Cause when we just can't agree with you
We'll do things that just aren't right

Dark Ages back and you're gonna be in trouble
Hey-la, hey-la, Dark Ages back (repeat after each line)
When you teach that evolution our brains boil and bubble

Science is all lies that we find untrue
So look out now cause we're coming after you

Hey we know what you been trying
Teaching things we think are lying

The earth's been around a short time
Just say that and things'll be fine

You're gonna learn dinosaur theory's flawed
And geology it will be outlawed

Now we know there were no cavemen
Cause the bible doesn't show them

What made you think we'd believe all your lies
You've got evidence but we'll cut you down to size

Dark Ages back gonna change the situation
Bit by little bit we'll destroy your reputation

Hey, can't you see it coming, now you'd better start a running
Yes, Dark Ages back
Well soon enough Dark Ages Back
If you can see it coming
Take your books and start a running.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
Copyright 2003 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

__________________________
Mark Hoolihan
Department of Anti-Evolutionary Theory and Cherubim Archaeology
Michigan State University
__________________________

"Yey, the great Tryanosaurs did roam the earth for 3 years, then all died,
for G-d found them naughty in his sight."
_Ridiculous, chapter 3:24








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Bush War Poetry

Just a little poetry for the war effort. Why...
...because I can.

The Dubya's Burden
(A parody of Kipling's The White Man's Burden)

Take up the Dubya's burden
Send forth young men to bleed
Go bind your sons to endless war
To serve your leaders need
To wait in anxious worry
Who this week has him riled
His new found mortal enemy
Half devil and half child

Take up the Dubya's burden
In impotence abide
To use the threat of terror
To satisfy his pride
Speech after speech so simple
An hundred times made plain
To seek more oil profits
To make more corporate gain

Take up the Dubya's burden
The savage wars of peace
Ignore homegrown famine
And bid poor complaints cease
And when your goal is nearest
The end of terror sought
Go find another enemy
And bring peace hopes to nought

Take up the Dubya's burden
No tawdry rule of kings
But surveillance of people
Invade their private things
The homes you should not enter
The roads you should not tread
Let Ashcroft do his bidding
Let people live with dread

Take up the Dubya's burden
And reap his old reward
The blame of those who suffer
An economy scarred
The cry of jobless millions
And those who demand "rights"
Why brought you us more bondage
And turned our land to night?

Take up the Dubya's burden
Ye dare not stoop to less
Nor call too loud on freedom
Which governments detest
By all ye cry or whisper
By all ye leave or do
The silent sullen peoples
Shall weigh your G-ds and you

Take up the Dubya's burden
Have done with peaceful days
Before you deal with one war
Let two more take its place
Come now, prove Dubya's manhood
Through troubled, war-plagued years
Cold-edged with dear-bought wisdom
The judgement of your peers!

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet. www.hoolinet.com
Copyright 2003 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.


_______________________
Mark Hoolihan
Department of Endless War and Small Eggplant Enemas
Michigan State University
_______________________
"Persia, China and Russia are an "Axis of Evil" which must be dealt with,
purely for our own security."
-Ghengis Khan, 1215








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Bush Tax Cut Aids Neediest Americans

Washington - A coalition of Americans most likely to benefit from Bush's tax
cut gathered today to thank the President for much needed tax relief. The
organization Gentlemen Richly Endowed Expecting Deliverance represents the 1%
of Americans in the top tax bracket, making over $300,000 a year or more.
Spokesman N. Tytteled commented, "Finally we have a tax plan that gives
relief to those who pay the most taxes and therefore unjustly suffer the most
in this society. The incessant class warfare of the poor welfare cheats - I
mean all those not in our tax bracket has unfairly portrayed us as greedy,
when it's obviously those whiny have-nots who are greedy, always asking for
more, unlike us. It's about time we got more from the government."
Many members shared their views. Group member Owta Tuch commented, "The
poor would just waste any tax cut on beer or crack, for me it's a useful
second summer home in France, or another SUV." Another member, Dick N. Sian
added, "The poor want the rich to pay taxes, that's nothing but communism,
straight outta the Marx Brothers manifesto or something like that, I'm sure
Stalin tried to tax the rich a little more than everyone else, or was it Pol
Pot, anyway it's pure communism in the strictest sense of the word. Tax
breaks for us are good capitalism, and that's good for everyone. I mean, if I
hadn't had Arthur Anderson hide all my profits, I could have been paying 38%
in taxes, at that rate it just isn't worth it to make another million or two,
I might as well be on welfare."
When asked about the economic effects a Nike Executive, Exploy T. Dechilde
added, "This will be great, now I can hire another 500 Vietnamese girls at
our factory, good for everyone." Another member, Doe Noshitte added, "There
will definitely be trickle down, Heck, I'm going to buy a $100,000 rolex
tomorrow, that will help the poor store that sells that jewelry as well as
the struggling rolex company."
As to long-term effects, a Bush administration official, Ignorr Eality
commented, "You see, if we don't pay the taxes now, we get deficits. But
don't worry, in the future after the deficits build up too much, the magic
debt fairies will come down and take it all away, so future generations of
Americans don't have to worry. That's what happened with the Reagan-era
deficits. Anything else would be just plain class warfare and socialism."
Added an Exxon official, "This tax break is just what we need to tide
ourselves over until the Iraq war when we can quadruple oil prices, this
administration has it all figured out."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet. http://www.hoolinet.com
Copyright 2002 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.


_____________________________________
Mark Hoolihan
Department of Voodoo Economics and Classroom Warfare
Michigan State University
_____________________________________
"An ideal society would be completely capitalist with slightly higher taxes
for the top 1%"
_Karl Marx, Das Kapital, Vol III.