Donald Rumsfeld's Iraq Dictionary

Slog (Leek) v. To make agonizingly slow progress, such as a trying to get through a press conference without getting caught in another lie.

Progress (lie-ing-yor-ass-off) n. 1. Moving towards a fixed date, vaguely after the next election sometime. 2. All the news other than the constant failures and attacks you didn't plan on.

Exit Strategy (quayg-mi-er)n. Vague timetable for completion of task, sometime after the next election. See also: Vietnam

Unimportant (fale-yur) adj. Things that cannot be found. See also: Weapons of Mass Destruction, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden

People of Iraq (hall-i-burr-tawn) n. Excuse for remaining in place until oil contracts are secure.

Irrelevant (wine-ing) adj. Countries and organizations that will not blindly do your bidding.

Diplomacy (skrood-up) n. 1. Peaceful and productive interactions between countries, often involving listening rather than demanding. 2. Something not seen since January 2001.

Real Situation in Iraq (un-fare) n. Something damn media keeps reporting on, except for that brilliant FAUX NEWS.

Evil (eks-kews) adj. Dictatorial governments that suppress human rights but do not sell us oil or serve a convenient political purpose.

Strong Leadership (chik-en-hok) adj. 1. What you keep telling people you have in order to cover up your failures. 2. What you keep saying until the next election.

9-11 (Miss-yews) n. 1. Event that can be used to justify wars and political campaigns that have no relation to it. 2. Something Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with, but you keep saying in the same breath as his name anyway.

Truth (Spin) n. ?


Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
Copyright 2003 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.