Alabama Judge Releases Criminals

Montgomery - Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore announced today that anyone convicted by an Alabama court whose conscience told them they were right could go free. Judge Moore explained, "Look, I'm a judge and I'm defying a court order, I couldn't in good conscience tell other people to obey the courts. That would be a poor example. I've argued for weeks that we shouldn't listen to judges, but to our conscience and G-d's law. Since we all interpret G-d's law differently, we pretty much have lost a moral base for enforcing the law on anyone. Now if this whole charade had been my way of sneaking a radical right-wing version of Christianity into the law, that would be different. But I said before and I'll say it again, I'm only trying to acknowledge G-d in a non-denominational, open-minded way, nothing controversial. But the contradiction was overpowering, so I'm letting the criminals go free."
Supporters of Judge Moore were ecstatic. Said one, "This is what we came here for. The courthouse is no place to enforce laws or judges' decisions. This is about whether you like G-d or not and that's all it's about. All we want is a non-denominational, non-threatening version of some sort of monotheistic religion which preaches hatred towards no one. That's the kind of people we are, not like those bastard Catholics and Jews and Homosexuals and Liberals up in New York City."
In a related news story, Attorney General John Ashcroft has ordered the removal of all nude statues from federal buildings and their replacement with pictures of puppies or babies. In response to a flood of criticism Mr. Ashcroft replied, "This isn't about statues, or my personal version of morality, this is about whether you love puppies and babies. If my critics don't like puppies and babies, then they're just sick individuals. I for one love both puppies and babies and I will stand my ground to defend these puppies and babies. I don't care what anyone says."
Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
Copyright 2003 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.