Supreme Court Legalizes Gay Practices

Washington - In a surprising move for this generally conservative court, a ruling was handed down today giving legal protection to gay interior decorating when practiced in the privacy of one's home. Despite objections from conservatives who claim gay interior decorating is substantially and morally different from heterosexual practices, the court ruled 6-3 that this is a privacy issue and gays may decorate their homes as they wish as long as they do not interfere with public decency laws.
In a dissenting opinion, Justice Scalia commented, "The constitution doesn't protect decorating rights, the founding fathers never intended our windows to be subjected to such treatment. Civil liberties could be used as an excuse for terrorist to come into our homes and decorate them in Islamic style. This court has given into the gay decorating agenda that eventually will put Barbara Streissand and Liza Minelli on Mt. Rushmore!"
Commenting on the victory, attorney S. Terri O'Teip stated, "This is a great victory for gays, for now what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms and living rooms is our business. Keep your rosaries off my draperies!"
Christian Right spokesperson Totle Byggut commented, "This is it, the beginning of the end of tasteful decorating in America. Gone will be any sense of taste or decorum. This gay decorating will only be the beginning my friends, soon they'll be teaching our kids in school about fuscia and mauve instead of the primary colors g-d and nature demand. And there's no purple in a rainbow either! Gay decorators don't need special protection, it's an unnecessary privilege which keeps us from using the law to persecute them. After the gays take over interior decorating what's next? Other groups could demand their right to decorate. This country could end up with velvet elvises, Dogs Playing Poker and ceramic roosters in every household! Think of the children!"
In reply Mr. O'Teip commented, "Oh and what has straight culture given us with this unfair stranglehold over interior decorating they've enjoyed? Shag carpet, paneling and track lighting. You call that morality? It's about time homosexuals made their presence felt in the decorating arena!"
While the divisiveness of this issue seems to have no end in sight, attention is now focused on next weeks expected ruling on affirmative action and white rappers.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet
Copyright 2003 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

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Mark Hoolihan
Department of Preventative Window Treatments and Squirrel Bashing
Michigan State University
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"Give me draperies or give me death"
_Patrick Henry