Hitler's Blog III

Republicans Love Protesters

Washington - Leading conservatives today issued a blanket apology for berating protesters over the last several decades. The sheer delight conservatives have taken in the August 2009 Town Hall protests led to a complete reversal of values for most conservatives.

Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh released this joint statement, "Previously we referred to all protesters as crazy hippies. We now believe that the louder and more disruptive a protest is, the more legitimate your cause is. Protesting is a great symbol of freedom and should be encouraged."

Glenn Beck also spoke out, "This country loves dissent, I applaud anyone who has the courage to make your voice heard. To all the Anti-war protesters of the last eight years, I apologize, you guys are real heroes. I can't believe the President didn't automatically change policies once he heard there were angry protests by a strongly vocal minority. Maybe if you all had been armed it would have been better."

Pat Buchanan issued an apology on behalf of the entire Nixon administration, "We called you crazy hippies and told you to get a job, said you threatened the country. Now I think you're all great Americans and can't believe we didn't listen to you. You should have been louder and brought guns, that would have made it all better."

The Republican Party released this statement, "This is not hypocrisy. We're merely flexible in changing times. There's now nothing we love more than an angry protester. Just as we changed our minds about maritial fidelity in between Bill Clinton and all the sex scandals of the last few years. We embrace change. Since January 20, 2009 we now find deficits unnacceptable and don't believe anyone has a duty to support the President in time of war. We also don't think the office of the President has to be respected at all. See, we're just flexible."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

Angry Mobs Cancel American Independence

Philadelphiam July 4, 1776 - The American Independence movement came to an end today as delegates were unable to voice any opinions or have any rational debate to unruly crowds shouting down the speakers. The crowds were reported to be funded by the British but claim to be grassroots organizations.

Thomas Jefferson of Virginia lamented the end of the Independence movement, "We wanted to create a country where all voices could be heard, a civil country governed by rational ideas and healthy debate where..." Mr. Jefferson was then shouted down by cries of "Tyranny" "Socialism" and "Nazi"

The spokesman for the protesters, a Mr. Loy A. Liste stated, "We're just ordinary Americans who want to have our voices heard. The tyranny here is people trying to have their voices heard when we're shouting all the time. Enough of the tryanny of these 'founding fathers' lets make sure they're never heard again. The fact that we're angry proves we're right. Long live King George! Down with Tyranny!"

News reports have traced Mr. Liste's organization People who love Freedom and Puppies and Babies to funds coming from Britain, although this was denied by the group's chair, General Cornwallis, "These are just ordinary colonists speaking their mind. Don't listen to 'polls' and 'elections' that say they're a minority, the fact that they're loud and angry proves they're right. This isn't mob rule, it's democracy and freedom. We'll be taking our private citizens on our grass roots vessel, HMS King George III to spread the word of freedom, along with our friends who like to wear read coats."

In the end the angry loyalists were able to protect themselves from the tryanny of having to listen to ideas they didn't like. A truly great day for freedom.

Republican Sex Scandals - Standard Script



Sex Scandal Script

Michael Jackson News Coverage

Written after a week of seeing non stop news coverage of Michael Jacksons' death, and nothing else being reported. Why...

...because I can.

Beat It (to death)


(To the tune of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson)

The news is now all Michael Jackson all the time

Transracial pedophile but a really good guy

They love him since he died and talk about him all the time

They beat it, Just beat it





You follow news you wonder bout foreign lands

You wanna be smart become a learned man

Now it's only fluff, better turn on C-span

They beat it, to death(4x)



Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night

Just beat it, to death (4x)



Forget North Korea forget about Iran

Forget about our troops in Afghanistan

Let's talk about the life of this plastic faced man

So beat it, to death



You have to show them that you really don't care

They're wasting all our time with all this morbid fare

They talk down, then they dumb down

Until you think you care



Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night (9x)



Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

God's Blog



God's blog

Conservatives Call for Action on Swine Flu

Washington - Conservatives across the country brought forth their plans for immediate action to deal with the Swine Flu pandemic. Some notable examples:

Washington Republicans demanded the Obama administration do nothing, nothing at all chanting, "Government is always the problem not the solution. We don't need big government. We demand the government do nothing now, nothing tomorrow, nothing ever."

Rush Limbaugh demanded Obama's resignation stating, "We can see his policies have failed, now he's brought this upon us. See what socialism causes."

Michelle Bachman of Minnesota also demanded his resignation stating, "There's no evidence President Obama didn't cause the swine flu. I want to pass a bill making it illegal for President Obama to give Americans the swine flu."

Fox News demanded people form a spontaneous grass roots movement to help the rich with a tax cut. Glenn Beck cried and said he feared we'd all be turned into pigs by the swine flu. Fox news then created a nationwide day of "porking" to save the rich from the swine flu by "porking" the Democrats "Before they pork us." Said Bill O'reilly, "We need to get together and pork those fat cats in Washington, I've been waiting to pork a few Democrats for some time."

Pat Robertson demanded more Christian education be directed at pigs, stating, "Obviously these pigs have engaged in un Christian behavoir. We don't need 'medical science' with its Godless 'biology' and 'evolving' viruses. We don't need 'protection' from diseases. We need to teach these pigs to turn from their wicked wicked ways. From 'Babe' to 'Charlotte's Web' to 'The Muppet Show' it's obvious Hollywood has been promoting a pig lifestyle and God is punishing us."

Internationally, noted religious connservative Mahmoud Ahmedinejad of Iran commented, "It must be the Jews, Jews and pigs go together, everyone knows that."