Michael Jackson News Coverage

Written after a week of seeing non stop news coverage of Michael Jacksons' death, and nothing else being reported. Why...

...because I can.

Beat It (to death)


(To the tune of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson)

The news is now all Michael Jackson all the time

Transracial pedophile but a really good guy

They love him since he died and talk about him all the time

They beat it, Just beat it





You follow news you wonder bout foreign lands

You wanna be smart become a learned man

Now it's only fluff, better turn on C-span

They beat it, to death(4x)



Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night

Just beat it, to death (4x)



Forget North Korea forget about Iran

Forget about our troops in Afghanistan

Let's talk about the life of this plastic faced man

So beat it, to death



You have to show them that you really don't care

They're wasting all our time with all this morbid fare

They talk down, then they dumb down

Until you think you care



Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night (9x)



Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

God's Blog



God's blog

Conservatives Call for Action on Swine Flu

Washington - Conservatives across the country brought forth their plans for immediate action to deal with the Swine Flu pandemic. Some notable examples:

Washington Republicans demanded the Obama administration do nothing, nothing at all chanting, "Government is always the problem not the solution. We don't need big government. We demand the government do nothing now, nothing tomorrow, nothing ever."

Rush Limbaugh demanded Obama's resignation stating, "We can see his policies have failed, now he's brought this upon us. See what socialism causes."

Michelle Bachman of Minnesota also demanded his resignation stating, "There's no evidence President Obama didn't cause the swine flu. I want to pass a bill making it illegal for President Obama to give Americans the swine flu."

Fox News demanded people form a spontaneous grass roots movement to help the rich with a tax cut. Glenn Beck cried and said he feared we'd all be turned into pigs by the swine flu. Fox news then created a nationwide day of "porking" to save the rich from the swine flu by "porking" the Democrats "Before they pork us." Said Bill O'reilly, "We need to get together and pork those fat cats in Washington, I've been waiting to pork a few Democrats for some time."

Pat Robertson demanded more Christian education be directed at pigs, stating, "Obviously these pigs have engaged in un Christian behavoir. We don't need 'medical science' with its Godless 'biology' and 'evolving' viruses. We don't need 'protection' from diseases. We need to teach these pigs to turn from their wicked wicked ways. From 'Babe' to 'Charlotte's Web' to 'The Muppet Show' it's obvious Hollywood has been promoting a pig lifestyle and God is punishing us."

Internationally, noted religious connservative Mahmoud Ahmedinejad of Iran commented, "It must be the Jews, Jews and pigs go together, everyone knows that."

Random News Commentary for April 2009



Random News Commentary

Iowa Legalizes Gay Marriage

In honor of the Iowa Supreme Court's April 2009 legalization of Gay Marriage.

Thank God I'm a Country Boy
(Original Lyrics by John Denver)

Well life on the farm is kinda laid back

Since folks in Des Moines finally cut me some slack

It's early work guys, early in the sack

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well my personal choices sure never did no one harm

Fraternizin' with the men folk and workin' on the farm

Us gays are filled with an easy country charm

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy



When the work's all done and the sun's setting low

We put on a little Streisand and have a little show

The neighbors like Limbaugh so we keep it kinda low

Thank God I'm a country boy



I'd sing them old showtunes all day if I could

But the church and Pastor wouldn't take it very good

So I Salsa when I could, work when I should

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well I wouldn't trade my life for cellphones and suits

I never was one of those closeted fools

I'd rather have my disco and my farmin tools

Thank God I'm a country boy



Yeah, city gays partyin' in limousines

A lotta sad people thinin' that's the only scene

Son let me show you exactly what I mean

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy



We'll I'll sing those old showtunes till the day I die

Since now I have my own man and he's forever by my side

Say partners for life and say it loud with pride

Thank God I'm a country boy



Those farm boys taught me young how to hunt and how to whittle

Taught me how to work and play showtunes on the fiddle

Taught me how to love and how to give just a little

Thank God I'm a country boy



Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle'

Thank God I'm a country boy



Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

Kraut Pope tells Black Africans Condoms don't stop AIDS

This week Pope Benedict went to AIDS ravaged Africa and told people not to use condoms and that they only make the problem worse. So in a place where over 20 million people have AIDS, the biggest problem for Benedict is that someone might use a condom. So he not only gives bad advice, but actually lies to suffering black people. His message is pretty much summed up by this song:

Just Die

(To the tune of the theme from "Rawhide")

Dogma, Dogma, Dogma

Keep prayin' prayin' prayin

Though AIDS just keeps slayin'

Tell them to keep prayin' - Just Die

Don't try to understand AIDS

Just offer prayer and band-aids

No matter how many folks have died

You're ejaculatin'

Only pleases Satan

Unless you're naturally inside



Risk your life, pull it out

Pull it out, risk your life

Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die

Hide the fact, tell a lie

Tell a lie, hide the facts

No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die



Shut up, shut up shut up

Though the graves are backed up

Keep the info locked up - Just die

Rubber, silk and latex

So sinful is safe sex

Better that everyone should die

All the lives that we lose

Are martyrs to the values

That celibate Kraut Pope has prescribed



Risk your life, pull it out

Pull it out, risk your life

Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die

Hide the fact, tell a lie

Tell a lie, hide the facts

No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die


Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

Congress Debates Heterosexuals in the Military

Washington - In a heated debate over the place of heterosexuals in the military, congress called some of the great leaders of history to testify:

Alexander the Great, conquerer of the ancient world, gave his testimony, "Absolutely not, there is no room for heterosexuals, they're bad for morale. Men need strong leadership and close companionship to bond during battle. I never lost a battle and I loved my men. All night long. Occasionally in the morning and at least once in the afternoon before the battle of Arbela. My heterosexual opponent Darius was a weak little bitch, I kicked his ass from the Bosphorous to Bactria."

Frederick the Great, the brilliant Prussian king and general, had a differing opinon, "I knew lots of straights in the military, they were all nice people. Some of my best friends were straight. And they fought for me just as well as anyone else. And boy could they sing and dance too. On the other hand, in my day not only were German troops victorious, they respected civilians. After me most German leaders were heterosexual, and look how that turned out."

Richard the Lionheart, English hero of the Crusades, spoke in defense of heterosexuals, "I fought both with and against some of those people, and they were strong and brave. My opponent Saladin was a hetero and he was honest and dare I say chivalrous. I think these people have earned the right to serve in the military as much as anyone else."

King James of England was among many who brought religious arguments to the debate, "When me and my 'hubby' the Duke of Brunswick were going over the proofs for my King James Bible, the most authoritative source, we were struck by the love and tolerance in Christianity. I think the Christian thing to do is spread love and tolerance to all people."

The British Navy also had a strong opinion, "Hetero boys in the navy, never! Bad for morale. We only need three things: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. And we're not just talking about Charles' methods for disciplining the staff. Even movies about sailors are just a disco ball and a soundtrack away from being gay porn." The delegation then sang out loud, "And it's greatly to his credit; That he is an English man"

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.